Ok, so I have not been posting -- last post New Years Eve. So, I am going to post once a day for a week and see if I develop better habits.
So, since the last post, I have gone on dialysis, which I must do every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Frankly, it sucks. But, there are people out there that have it far worse than me to be sure. I have found that during this season, I have been angry. I walk around at about a 7 on the scale of 1-10. I don't think about being angry - in fact most often I don't feel angry. But, if 10 is blow-up, then I know I'm at 7 or so because I can get really ticked off at really small things. I think the anger is caused by the lack of control that I feel having to be on dialysis. Today, during church, before I got up to preach, while I prayed for those there to participate I thought "I'm also mad that i don't think it's fair that I'm on dialysis again, that my kidneys failed for a third time. And I think that's right -- I don't think it's fair.
And that kind of freaks me out because I am the first guy to counsel people that fairness is not really up for argument. We all really deserve instant destruction, but by God's grace we have life and breath and everything else. Also, as I said above, lots of people are worse off. So, intellectually, it doesn't make sense with what I believe, or what I say I believe.
Yeah, I think I am angry because I don't think it's fair for me to be on dialysis again. Wow, who would have thought. Something to think, and pray, about.
